An attempt at short & concise.

I am practicing brevity. Oh, beautiful brevity. I think that haiku
is a wonderful way to be concise. It can also be very clever too. I
will give it a whirl.

Hamburgers or dogs
Little difference, processed meat.
Both better with fries.

Hey, that wasn't too bad! Maybe I won't write so much from now on.
It's something that I think might be a problem for me. I like to
write a lot. I use lots of words, and sometimes that helps my
meaning, but sometimes the reader interest goes down. It reminds me
of the supply/demand curve. I need to find the equilibrium point when
I write.

I have noticed that when the paragraphs are long, people only read
halfway through. If I separate the paragraphs and make them shorter,
people are more likely to read the message entirely. Interesting, no?

The problem I now face is that I like to write a lot. I find
it hard to stop after just a few sentences. Some people find it hard
to write long papers, so I guess we each have our strengths.

Catching Up

Well, I looked at my watch to see how long it had been since I posted. It's currently in the process of flipping the little date numbers over, so I will just have to make a rough estimate and call it-- holy fricative! Two weeks! Why did I wait so long? What's been happening to me?

It's my dad's birthday, at least for a little while longer still. I wrapped his new electric shaver in the Sunday comics for him. That was about it really. We had a good carrot cake and ice cream. I'm popping my back a lot. I think it has something to do with my lifting of heavy boxes every day. It certainly has made me stronger. In fact, just today, I had to lift a 258 pound case of various Hershey's products. It still is difficult, but a few months ago, I probably wouldn't have moved it more than a few inches without a serious rest afterward. I also noticed that the big chip board pallets don't seem nearly as heavy as they used to. I found out last week that they weigh 82 pounds. I have been lifting those over my head regularly for a long time now. I feel so invigorated, but at the same time, I'm just about burned out. I haven't been sleeping enough, in fact, right now I'm supposed to be in bed. I told myself (and my other blog) that I'd be hitting the sack about two hours ago.

Only I got sidetracked and started talking to one of my best friends. The fact that I am leaving is finally starting to sink in, so I am starting to care a lot less about work, and more about socializing. It may or may not be good for me. It's definitely more fun this way, but it also makes me a lot more tired in general. I think I should probably eat more. More vegetables particularly. I usually like my veggies, but they are never one of those things that always comes to mind when I look for a snack. Usually when I think I'm getting hungry, I look around for some chocolate chips or graham crackers, but when I can't find any I just ignore the gnawing in my stomach and continue whatever it is I am doing. Not a healthy habit. I did eat two carrots this afternoon, they were pretty good, but my second one was too big. The core was a little too bitter for my liking.

This will have to conclude tonight's message. I'm pretty tired, and now my friend has gone to bed too. I'll try to write a little more tomorrow, this one post isn't all that informative or interesting. I'll get some intriguing questions/answers soon, you can count on that! G'night, friends.

Rs and Ls

I should have used the last five hours to write letters, but instead, all I accomplished was checking my email, writing a post for my other blog, and reading today's 100 Hour Board answers. I feel pathetic. Is that really the best use of my time? I think it's not. I need to get involved with something. I know that the Zeitgeist Half Marathon is looking for volunteers. I volunteered at a race once and it was really fun. It was a year ago, at the Parents' Weekend 5K down at the Y. I got to take the race tags from people and hang them in order on a piece of tape, thus showing the order in which all participants crossed the line. I kinda got dragged into it, but I'm glad I went. I almost missed out on something cool. The problem with the upcoming Zeitgeist race is that it is the same day as my brother's birthday. Maybe I should stay home and hang with him. I guess I could help out at the Team Depot project cleaning North Nampa. That doesn't sound as fun as the race though. Maybe I should just suck it up and help out. Maybe I should do both. That sounds good. Maybe I should take my brother with me, I'm sure they wouldn't mind having another extra helper, and maybe they'd reward him really well for his sacrifices.

I wish it was easier to find service opportunities around here. I found out about these two this morning in the paper. But there are probably hundreds of projects, maybe some ongoing ones, that need more volunteers. If the newspaper had a section that was like the classifieds for service, I bet people would at least look through them. One of the hardest things about planning a service project is finding the project. It's super easy to get people to go once they know about the need, but I never know where to start looking. Scout leaders always have a hard time finding projects, but there are TONS of groups and individuals just wishing that a scout troop would come along. It's not that easy. Scouts will come if they know they are needed. Same with a lot of people. BSU I'm sure has some organization that finds projects that need doing. Maybe I should look around and find a contact from Boise State.

It's hard living in Boise and not being a student. I got so used to going to concerts and plays and things, but now I have trouble finding entertainment of that callibre. The "Scene" section of the paper comes every Friday and they list different shows that are going on, but they never have anything that I'm interested in. Opera Idaho doesnt always make it into the paper, the Philharmonic doesn't make it, and none of the BSU events are listed, so basically all I get are the comedy clubs, bars and rock concerts of unknown local artists. I know there are things going on. Maybe I should find the Morrison Center's itinerary for the next month. It would be so much easier to find cool events if I had friends in them. I do have a couple of friends in Symphonic Winds at BSU, but I don't know when they perform. Last year I had it lucky because I lived with members of the jazz bands and various choirs and other clubs. It's great being a student, especially when your friends are all incredibly talented. Oh well, I might have to get used to this.

Robots never cry

How come no one sells lightweight workout shorts in the middle of October? There are racks and racks of jackets and sweatpants, but the only racks with shorts on them are sized XXXL or maybe just XXL. I know that obesity is on the rise, but come on, it's not THAT bad yet. 3X seems a bit extreme. Do they honestly think that they will have 75 guys come in with a waist size as wide as Vermont? If they can make a profit carrying nothing but what I saw today, then maybe I'm not as wise as I thought. It seems to me that they should be able to do all right with a third of what they had. The store would have sold something today had they filled the space with smaller sizes. I think that to have four shelves of 3XLs and not a single Medium is bad business, but then again, I never took that class.

A Celebration List

Yesterday's posting marked my 25th blog posting for this particular blog. Way to go Brian! You're a regular geek now. But that's all I really want anyway. It has long been a goal of mine to be considered "one of the nerds", but I'm afraid I can't make myself enjoy video games and manga enough. And I'm no good at math. I have several friends who call themselves "book nerds", and several that call themselves "music nerds." These are my kinds of nerds. The ones who take math classes for fun won't accept me. I once made a list of all the different things one could be "nerdy" about. Let me see if I can recreate a list.

Lord of the Rings
Star Trek
Star Wars
History
Warfare & Weaponry
Classic Literature
Music (Classical)
Music (Entirely Unknown Artists)
A club or organization such as BSA, SCA, or any number of others
Math
Computers (Assembling)
Computers (Programming)
Anime, Manga, etc.
Video Games, Strategy, RPG, FPS, Tetris, Solitaire, Pinball, PacMan etc.
Biology, Geology, Astronomy, and above all, Physics
Engineering, machinery
Sports, Knowledge of athletes/stats/history
Geography
Science Fiction/Fantasy Novels
Health
Celebrities
Fashion
Outdoors activities (hunting, fishing, hiking, etc.)
Fantasy games, reenactments (D&D particularly)
Cars
Art
Domestic Arts (sewing, quilting, cooking)
Business

As you can see, it's fairly easy to fall into one or more of these categories. I fit at least 8. Can you name them?

I guess this list makes me kinda nerdy, like I said before- not enough to be called a true nerd. It's really hard to fit all of these. The math and physics people generally shy away from books, and the gamers usually don't get into the history as much. I would be amazed if I met someone who could be associated with every one of these. I would be honored to learn at his/her feet. For a while, anyway.

I have decided that the socks I am wearing now remind me of that triple-ply toilet paper. So thick and soft and fluffy. I tried that kind of toilet paper at my sister's house, and I almost wanted to not come back home. Double quilted just isn't good enough anymore. It's like having a cell phone for a year and then being tied down by cords again. I imagine it is that way, at least. I've never had a cell phone. I bet they're nice. Or perhaps it is more like... hot dogs. Your first one is wonderful. They are so new and tasty and exciting, but then you discover baklava. Not even a comparison. I could eat baklava all day long. But someone decided to tease you, they will not let you keep your baklava. You must eat hot dogs. Nothing but hot dogs.

Lying on a blue recliner

The scene: I am on the recliner next to the piano, listening to my dad play some nice sonatinas.
Enter Shannon. She says, "If you went up to bed, you wouldn't have to just lie around."
I reply, "But then my life would consist only of sleeping and work."

So the question: Is it a good idea for me to get more sleep but sacrifice my happiness? Would it be more wise to sacrifice an hour or two of sleep (which is not very restful anyway) for some down time? What is down time? Is it wasted time? What else do I have to do besides just lie around?

I feel like my life is very monotonous right now. I am counting days, but no one is counting with me. At work, I am surrounded by people, but I still feel alone. It's hard to connect with people when they are older than myself, and have such very different habits and lives. I pass the breaks by reading my books. It is not a painless way to spend a break. It just helps to make the time move faster, which just deepens my rut. The only thing worse than being in a deep rut, is realizing just how long you've been in it. I have tried finding things to do in my evenings after work. The problem is that I can't seem to focus on my free time enough. My time at work drags on and on, but as soon as I get home, the night is over. I forget to do things that used to be exciting to me. I forget to do things that used to be habit. Looking back on the last several weeks, my only memories are working and then waking up to go back, again and again. Is it wrong to give in and accept that? If I continue to live the way I am now, will it crush me? I think if something doesnt change soon, I will lose hope in a bright future. I want to be happy, but I think I need more than what I have now.

What have I done before now to keep myself happy? What has changed? 1) I am running mournfully low on friends these days. One by one, they leave, and I will have to wait two years to really pick things back up again. And it's hard to maintain long distance friendships, especially when there is so little time to talk. I used to be able to walk 20 yards and visit any number of excellent friends, but now it is rare that I ever see anyone outside my family. 2) I used to go to choir practice four or five times a week. And for the last seven years I have played an instrument in band or orchestra. Now I am lucky if I make it to one choir practice, and I'm not too impressed with our sound. It's a little despairing. 3) I used to have a routine that involved changes throughout the day. While at school, I would get up and go somewhere every hour, I would study a different subject every hour. Have you noticed that when you write a paper on the same topic for extended periods of time, you get dang tired? It is physically and emotionally draining to do the same thing hour after hour, day after day. I'm running into the months now. I just can't do it anymore. 4) I used to eat healthy, regular meals. I even had snacks between classes. Now, I eat a piece of toast for breakfast. And I eat it hesitantly. I have lost my appetite. I eat candy for lunch, with a side of soda. Dinner is my only real meal, and I only eat it because it keeps me alive. Thursday is my night to cook, but nothing seems appetizing, and I don't have the creative energy to think of something. If someone would just make sure we had a stock of Mac & Cheese, I would just do that, for simplicity's sake, and call it done.

Will I ever have them again? Friends, music, variety, hunger... These are a part of me, they are my recipe. They are necessary components of a happy life, at least for me. Will I need to come up with an entirely new definition of Happiness? Why can't I have them? Is there a word for my experience now? It would have to denote fatigue, lack of motivation, discomfort, a struggle for mental focus, and probably other draining things. Occasionally I am happy. Last Friday for instance, two of my friends came by and took me out to play pool and have milkshakes. Outings like this seldom happen, with all our busy schedules, but for an evening, I forgot all my sorrows. Last Thursday, I went to choir practice, and for an hour and a half, forgot all about my job. I need more moments like this, but they are so hard to come by. I need for something in my life to improve, and I desperately need a good friend. A call or a visit from a friend would be a breath of fresh air indeed.

One half of a fence

My little brother is teaching my little neighbor how to play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star on the piano. What a nice brother. And now my dad is giving a demonstration of Friedrich Kuhlau's Sonatina Op. 20, No. 1 It's a pretty good song. Very pianoey. And sonatinatastic, a word that I am pretty sure I just invented. Feel free to forget I ever used it.

I think I have signed up for too many word of the day newsletters. I get several each day, and I don't even read most of them. I like the ones that come with quotes, they mean more than individual words with definitions. Every quote redefines a word, or at least gives it a different appearance in the mind of the reader. Quotes are like Extreme Makeover. Sometimes they make the words more beautiful, but sometimes, the author just doesn't cut it. Some of my newsletters come with no quotes at all. Just definitions and advertisements. I have lost respect for those ones, and choose not to read them. I do not yet have the effort to unsubscribe, but I will eventually.

I think what I need is a few minutes home alone. That would be nice. It would be either quiet, or filled with wholesome music. Probably a little of both, with the silence situated right before the music. I would probably choose Bach. I like Bach, especially when he makes use of cellos. I think the cello has the potential to make a perfect sound, unlike any other instrument. French Horns come close sometimes, but cellos are more consistently awesome. And double basses.

That brings me to a string of thought. I have composed a list of instruments that I do not care for much: Clarinets. That is all.